Last fall, I was invited to Frisco, Texas, by a very close family-friend, Kathy, to come share my story with a group of girls. At the time I felt like this "story" I had was very broken and was not a story with a happy ending. Especially for an adoption story, I didn't want to share a story of a birth mother who trusted God just for everything to fall apart. "Who would benefit from that?", I thought. I didn't end up going.
The beginning of this year I got a text from Kathy giving me another opportunity to come share my story. I didn't respond thinking I would just pray about it. Not long after that, I get a text from my mom saying she would go to Texas with me and encouraging me to go. I knew she was right.
After a short 5 hour trip with my mother full of laughter, calorie counting, and The Blend XM radio channel, we get to Texas. We showed up at this beautiful home and I got to reunite with my kindergarten teacher, and my prayer warrior, Kathy. When I got that first hug from her I knew I was in a place of comfort. I got to see her sweet daughter, Nicole, who I hadn't seen since I was at least 7 years old. My highlight of Sunday night was meeting this amazing girl, A.K., she was not only HILARIOUS, and so sweet, she had a story too. That night was the start of a great friendship God himself put together.
Monday! It was 82 degrees and sunny in beautiful Texas!
Us girls got together and did what girls do best, eat and shop! I promise you, there was not one Victoria's Secret fragrance that we did not spray on ourselves. We laughed and chatted.. A LOT! Even ended the day partaking in Happy Hour at Sonic! It had been so long since I have had that much fun. God blessed me with a wonderful, beautiful, happy day.
That night was when I shared my story with the girls of Embrace Grace and Embrace Love at Gateway Church. With still some time for the meeting to start, girls were walking in with sweet newborn babies, and sweet baby bellies. My heart started to hurt, but I was so blessed to see such amazing mothers. I saw a beautiful new baby girl and I got the offer to hold her. I said yes and she was put in my arms. As I was holding her my heart started to get heavy and I realized that was the first baby I have held since my son. I had to give her back because I felt the tears and emotion building up and there was no holding them back.
After some tears shed, some lies dismissed, and Truth recalled, I was back and ready to share.
I had told my story personally several times, even have it on my blog, but I wanted God to use me. I wanted the words I spoke to be authentic and real. I honestly had no idea how to start this birth mom story. So I shared everything that came to my heart, my broken connection with my father, the devastation of an ending relationship, how my adoption sorry came into works, and something I had never openly shared.. I shared my broken heart after adoption. I shared my heartbreak of laying in the hospital bed crying with my mom holding me, and the paralyzed feeling I felt grieving through my choice, the agonizing pain a birth mother feels with love for her baby. I shared that my adoption story turned out to be very unfair, very unloving. I did my best to share with these girls that adoption can have a beautiful ending, that I have seen it happen. But that wasn't my story. My story continues, and that God will continue to show me the mystery through this pain.
I was so blessed to share an evening with each lovely lady I met. If you are reading this and you were there, know that you are a blessing to me and I have a very, very, special place for you in my heart.
I left that meeting holding these beautiful Truths. Truths hidden in my heart, discovered in a room full of mothers..
"I am a mommy, and I love my son. God's dreams for me are bigger than any dreams I can imagine for myself."
Thank you for letting me share my experience with you.
Peace, friends.
The beginning of this year I got a text from Kathy giving me another opportunity to come share my story. I didn't respond thinking I would just pray about it. Not long after that, I get a text from my mom saying she would go to Texas with me and encouraging me to go. I knew she was right.
After a short 5 hour trip with my mother full of laughter, calorie counting, and The Blend XM radio channel, we get to Texas. We showed up at this beautiful home and I got to reunite with my kindergarten teacher, and my prayer warrior, Kathy. When I got that first hug from her I knew I was in a place of comfort. I got to see her sweet daughter, Nicole, who I hadn't seen since I was at least 7 years old. My highlight of Sunday night was meeting this amazing girl, A.K., she was not only HILARIOUS, and so sweet, she had a story too. That night was the start of a great friendship God himself put together.
Monday! It was 82 degrees and sunny in beautiful Texas!
Us girls got together and did what girls do best, eat and shop! I promise you, there was not one Victoria's Secret fragrance that we did not spray on ourselves. We laughed and chatted.. A LOT! Even ended the day partaking in Happy Hour at Sonic! It had been so long since I have had that much fun. God blessed me with a wonderful, beautiful, happy day.
That night was when I shared my story with the girls of Embrace Grace and Embrace Love at Gateway Church. With still some time for the meeting to start, girls were walking in with sweet newborn babies, and sweet baby bellies. My heart started to hurt, but I was so blessed to see such amazing mothers. I saw a beautiful new baby girl and I got the offer to hold her. I said yes and she was put in my arms. As I was holding her my heart started to get heavy and I realized that was the first baby I have held since my son. I had to give her back because I felt the tears and emotion building up and there was no holding them back.
After some tears shed, some lies dismissed, and Truth recalled, I was back and ready to share.
I had told my story personally several times, even have it on my blog, but I wanted God to use me. I wanted the words I spoke to be authentic and real. I honestly had no idea how to start this birth mom story. So I shared everything that came to my heart, my broken connection with my father, the devastation of an ending relationship, how my adoption sorry came into works, and something I had never openly shared.. I shared my broken heart after adoption. I shared my heartbreak of laying in the hospital bed crying with my mom holding me, and the paralyzed feeling I felt grieving through my choice, the agonizing pain a birth mother feels with love for her baby. I shared that my adoption story turned out to be very unfair, very unloving. I did my best to share with these girls that adoption can have a beautiful ending, that I have seen it happen. But that wasn't my story. My story continues, and that God will continue to show me the mystery through this pain.
I was so blessed to share an evening with each lovely lady I met. If you are reading this and you were there, know that you are a blessing to me and I have a very, very, special place for you in my heart.
I left that meeting holding these beautiful Truths. Truths hidden in my heart, discovered in a room full of mothers..
"I am a mommy, and I love my son. God's dreams for me are bigger than any dreams I can imagine for myself."
Thank you for letting me share my experience with you.
Peace, friends.